Why?

I have so much on my mind and so much to say but I can't seem to find the right words for it to put it down on paper to make it make sense.  Some people could look at my life and say it's quite boring and sometimes I would agree, but it's mine and I am in control and I do what I want when I want, but when something unexpected happens, why do I worry so much about the ways in which it could go and why do I feel so uneasy about it?  I know that a lot of it is due to past history and things just not eventuating or continuing or whatever but I think most of it is because I'm not in control - I don't feel comfortable with not being in direct control of what's going to happen, it's not something I'm familiar with.